I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
