Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
