On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
