She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
