i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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