god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
