My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
