dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
