You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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