would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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