It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
