White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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