My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
