sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
