if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
