I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
