I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
