He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
