You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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