the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
