so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
