when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
