Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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