i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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