I met the friendliest cop last night
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
