Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It all started with a game of naked twister.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
