At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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