YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
