I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
