I think I died a long time ago.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
