You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
