Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
