First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
