I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
