yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
