According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Bring me that man meat
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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