I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
