best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sorry about my life...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
