she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
