I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
