I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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