He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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