She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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