Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
