Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
