The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
