After last night, I could never be a politician.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
