I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
