I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
