when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
