i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
