Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
