We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
