whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
