fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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