Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My balls are so social today.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
